When they said "you just need to relax" "you just need to not think about it" things could have been so different.
I was diagnosed at 18 with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and for me it meant trying to conceive was going to be really hard as I had hardly any periods. I eventually went on to have two children and a miscarriage. Little did I know at 18 that over 8 years of my life would have been consumed with trying to conceive.
The feelings I had of not being able to conceive like "normal women" was heartbreaking. Everywhere I looked people seemed to be pregnant. I know that it was my mind constantly scanning for pregnancies as that is what our mind does when we are so focused on something. For example when you are looking for a new car don't you just see them everywhere!
I lost friends along the way as they were unsure how to manage their own pregnancies around me. I never felt anything but happiness for them as I wanted my own child not theirs but it did just compound my feelings of having a broken body and I hated it.
When I got married that was it, I would get asked ”when you going to have a baby” and then once I had my first daughter I would get asked ”when you gonna have another' I had it from work, from friends, from family and it just compounded everything. I knew it was down to me that we were not conceiving. I felt everyone's feelings on my shoulders. It was exhausting and I felt like a failure. I felt I failed everyone and ultimately as Woman. People I loved yearned for a baby and even though they never uttered a word to make me feel this way I felt their silent pain and pity for me. When I did have my eldest daughter I felt guilt, sadness that I couldn't provide a sibling to her. I developed anxiety, depression and then a breakdown.
I would dread going to the toilet in case my period started and would constantly try to read my body for signs of ovulation or pregnancy. I would try everything to conceive and wouldn't change aspects of my life in case I fell pregnant. Wouldn't change jobs, wanted to go to University, my life had paused. It was passing me by day by day and I was consumed by negative and hateful feelings towards myself, I felt my body had failed me. I was having hospital appointments, blood tests, invasive procedures, numerous operations and took hormone medication. I felt like my body was being battered.
From what I have since learnt from my training and development of the mind,”just relax and forget about it” really was the best advice for me. When we are stressed/anxious our minds go onto fight or flight mode and are wired to protect us from danger. We release stress hormones, our bodies and mind get primed to the perceived threat. It comes from primitive times when we would get attacked by tigers etc and the last thing we would do when faced with a tiger is reproduce. This makes our body's non conducive to reproduction. My body was constantly on fight mode and it was exhausting and of course affected my mind also.
By “just relaxing” we switch off the fight or flight mode and go into the rest and digest mode. We are calmer, we make more informed decisions, regain control and our body and minds reconnect, hence reproduction could be more effective. Even if you didn't conceive you will still reap the benefits of being calmer.
Being unable to conceive affects everything; sleep, eating, alcohol, interactions, relationships, body confidence, work, intimacy, the list goes on unfortunately.
The other thing I got told A LOT was “just forget about it” sounds so simple! And I can't lie. I seriously wanted to scream each time I was told that! Like I never thought of that!, again they were right (hate to admit it of course!) I was thinking day and night about it and as I said before life was passing me by. I was obsessing about it. I needed help to think about other things that had been good in my life, what did I enjoy doing? What's been good? Who is Julie! I had lost all my identity and spark.
Hypnotherapy back then I feel would have so helped me, I really believe it. In my sessions I help you to relax, learn techniques and bring the connection of body and mind together again. I ask about you, what makes you YOU and help you to reconnect and start to respect you again and whatever grows from that is great. Its not magic, I cant give you what you yearn for but I can help you just find the good days again.
Much love, Julie